Freedom

I just spent the last 5 months of my life in the Otter Tale County Jail. While I was there I felt more free than I have felt my entire life.

Last year, September 2017, I received my 3rd DWI in 10 years. It was a gross misdemeanor, which I plead guilty to, I had no argument, I was driving and I was drunk.

  • My entire life I have been chasing sobriety. I have been in countless treatments. Some to appease the courts some for me and my family. It didn’t matter why I went, because I was never successful. I tried and tried, but in the end all I did was disappoint the courts, my family, and especially myself. I went to AA and NA thinking that was the answer, but it wasn’t. Thought staying away from drinking friends was the answer, it’s not.
  • When you get a DWI, the court makes you do a chemical dependency evaluation. So I did as the courts said and I had mine. To my surprise, I was only moderately addicted to alcohol. I was drinking a case off beer everyday, never failed. I did not have time to work, the job I had was more than I could handle. In your assessment they ask about past sobriety. I have lied to so many people for so many years that I was not able to answer the question honestly, so I said, “I did not no.” Now my answer, “5 months, honest.”

    You have no idea what it feels like to no that this time is different. Today, I no what I want, and I no the answers that I never knew before.

    After my DWI in September, a friend asked me if I knew what all I’m meant. I answered, “Yes, I’m all in right now.” What I meant by that was, God you take the wheel, I don’t have a license anymore!

    I did not get sober after my DWI, I kept drinking, but inside of me things were changing. I wasn’t angry anymore. The resentments that I have carried like a bag of rocks over the years, they were gone. I could honestly say I loved myself just the way I was, and in turn I was able to love others.

    In February 2018 I went to treatment in Saint Paul, MN. It was the most amazing experience I have ever had in treatment. I let every bad feeling I had out. I talked about things that I had never spoke of before. One day, we had a group and they asked us to draw a picture of when we were the happiest. They said to find our inner child. I drew a picture of my grandparents yard, it was beautiful like a park. I used to pretend the trees were my mansion. I was rich with long beautiful blond hair(which I did not have) so I tied a white towel on my head, and that was my hair. Then I would wear my grandmothers old dresses and high heels. So this is what I drew. That day, I was able to find my inner child, and let me tell you, she is a wild one, and so happy to be free.

    Over the years, I have lost the ability to have fun and not care what people think. I wouldn’t sing because I hated my voice. I wouldn’t dance because I was no good at it. Today, I have a three year old granddaughter that likes to go to church with me. The 1st time I took her was after my DWI. We sat in the front row, and the music started playing. She grabbed my hands pulled me in front of God and everybody and started dancing with me. It was the greatest feeling I’ve ever had. After that day I was changed forever. I no longer care what people think, I am going to be me. I lost that little girl years ago, now she’s back, loves life and Jesus Christ… That’s Freedom!